How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.

Jeśli nie rozumiesz tego dowcipu, przeczytaj go sobie na głos. Powinno pomóc (-:

Jakże złośliwi są Anglosasi w stosunku do swoich ojców, że najsłabsze, najbardziej szmirowate dowcipy określają mianem dad jokes, czyli dowcipami ojcowskimi! Po polsku zwane sucharami, w większości opierają się na dwuznacznościach, ukrytych znaczeniach wyrazów i grach słownych. Z reguły naciąganych grach słownych, ale czasem trafiaja się perełki.

Ponieważ dowcipy składają się ze słów, można je wykorzystać w nauce języka. Chociaż nad niektórymi zastanowić muszą się nawet rodzimi użytkownicy języka, można ich też użyć jako wyzwanie dla uczniów. Zwłaszcza dla tych zaawansowanych lub, w niektórych przypadkach, średniozaawansowanych.

Jak można wykorzystać listę? Możesz uczniowi zadać zagwozdkę – zlecić przygotowanie wytłumaczenia dowcipu lub dowcipów – tak jakby miał je wyjaśnić komuś, kto ich nie zrozumiał. Aby tego dokonać, musi najpierw zrozumieć wszystkie słowa i/lub idiomy, które biorą udział w tworzeniu efektu śmieszności, a to wymaga przeprowadzenia researchu. Musi też zastanowić się, jak efektywnie je wyjaśnić.

Można ich użyć w wielu różnych kontekstach:

• jako zadanie domowe “z gwiazdką” / “dla chętnych”,
• jako karę dla sprawiających kłopoty i krnąbrnych,
• w nauczaniu idiomów,
• jako nietuzinkowy przykład użycia zagadnień gramatycznych,
• na rozluźnienie w trakcie lekcji.

Uwaga! Niektóre dowcipy należą do kategorii “czarny humor”, listę należy więc stosować z rozwagą.

1. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
2. Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says, “I think we got this joke wrong”.
3. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
4. I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks”. I said “Don’t mention it”.
5. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
6. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
7. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.
8. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.
9. What’s the difference between a hippo an a zippo? One is really heavy and the other one is a little lighter.
10. And Good said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
11. How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb? Is it one or two? One… or two?
12. What do we want?! Low flying airplane noises! When do we want them?! NNNEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWW
13. So what if I don’t’ want to know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.
14. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals. Phillipe Phillope.
15. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
16. What do you call a dog hat does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
17. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
18. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
19. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
20. This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
21. Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
22. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
23. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”.
24. I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.
25. I went bobsleighing the other day. I killed 250 bobs.
26. I have a heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
27. What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
28. Wife says to her programmer husband, “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen”. Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.
29. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.
30. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
31. Communism jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
32. What do the movies “Titanic” and “The Sixth Sense” have in common? Icy dead people.
33. Knock knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes Sean Connery.
34. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me get to the other side!” The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”
35. Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
36. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
37. A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. The bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch, you’ll have to stand in line”. The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.
38. Why did a picture go to jail? Because it was framed
39. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
40. People in Dubai don’t like the Flinstones. But people in Abu Dhabi do!
41. My friends say there’s a gay guy in our circle of friends… I really hope it’s Todd, he’s cute.
42. I’ve been told I’m condescending. That means I talk down to people.
43. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.
44. What’s ET short for? He’s only got little legs.
45. If you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticise them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes.
46. Why aren’t koalas actually bears? They don’t meet the koalafications.
47. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They always take things literally.
48. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
49. Some people think it’s romantic to carve their names on trees in the park while on a date. I’m more worried about why they’re bringing a knife on their date.

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