I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks”. I said “Don’t mention it”.

Jeśli zrozumiałeś/zrozumiałaś ten żart, jesteś bardzo zaawanowanym użytkownikem języka angielskiego. Jeśl zacząłeś się nad nim zastanawiać i nie przestałeś póki go nie zrozumiałeś/zrozumiałaś, to kiedyś będziesz zaawansowanym użytkownikiem tego języka, ponieważ twoimi cechami są dociekliwość, nieustępliwość i ciekawość.

Poniższe dad jokes, czyli suchary, w większości opierają się na dwuznacznościach, ukrytych znaczeniach wyrazów i grach słownych. Ponieważ dowcipy składają się ze słów, można je wykorzystać w nauce języka. Niektóre zrozumiesz w trymiga, żeby pojąć inne będziesz potrzebował dobrego słownika, czasu i zaciętości. Chyba że pójdziesz na łatwiznę i najedziesz myszką na niebieskie pole ze słowem EXPLANATION, ale satysfakcja znacznie mniejsza.

  1. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. EXPLANATION
  2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. EXPLANATION
  3. Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says, “I think we got this joke wrong”. EXPLANATION
  4. I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks”. I said “Don’t mention it”. EXPLANATION
  5. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
    EXPLANATION
  6. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer. EXPLANATION
  7. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. EXPLANATION
  8. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi. EXPLANATION
  9. What’s the difference between a hippo an a zippo? One is really heavy and the other one is a little lighter. EXPLANATION
  10. And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster. EXPLANATION
  11. How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb? Is it one or two? One… or two? EXPLANATION
  12. What do we want?! Low flying airplane noises! When do we want them?! NNNEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWW EXPLANATION
  13. So what if I don’t’ want to know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world. EXPLANATION
  14. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals. Phillipe Phillope. EXPLANATION
  15. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. EXPLANATION
  16. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador. EXPLANATION
  17. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west. EXPLANATION
  18. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. EXPLANATION
  19. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well. EXPLANATION
  20. This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder. EXPLANATION
  21. Why did the farmer win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. EXPLANATION
  22. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible. EXPLANATION
  23. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”. EXPLANATION
  24. I’ve found a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work. EXPLANATION
  25. I went bobsleighing the other day. I killed 250 bobs. EXPLANATION
  26. I have a heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo. EXPLANATION
  27. What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing. EXPLANATION
  28. Wife says to her programmer husband, “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen”. Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread. EXPLANATION
  29. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey. EXPLANATION
  30. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships. EXPLANATION
  31. Communism jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them. EXPLANATION
  32. What do the movies “Titanic” and “The Sixth Sense” have in common? Icy dead people. EXPLANATION
  33. Knock knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes Sean Connery. EXPLANATION
  34. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me get to the other side!” The other guy replies “You are on the other side!” EXPLANATION
  35. Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines. EXPLANATION
  36. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me. EXPLANATION
  37. A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. The bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch, you’ll have to stand in line”. The guy looks around, but there is no punch line. EXPLANATION
  38. Why did a picture go to jail? Because it was framed. EXPLANATION
  39. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck. EXPLANATION
  40. People in Dubai don’t like the Flinstones. But people in Abu Dhabi do! EXPLANATION
  41. My friends say there’s a gay guy in our circle of friends… I really hope it’s Todd, he’s cute. EXPLANATION
  42. I’ve been told I’m condescending. That means I talk down to people. EXPLANATION
  43. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool. EXPLANATION
  44. What’s ET short for? He’s only got little legs. EXPLANATION
  45. Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticise them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes. EXPLANATION
  46. Why aren’t koalas actually bears? They don’t meet the koalafications. EXPLANATION
  47. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They always take things literally. EXPLANATION
  48. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. EXPLANATION
  49. Some people think it’s romantic to carve their names on trees in the park while on a date. I’m more worried about why they’re bringing a knife on their date. EXPLANATION

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